Can I get some traction?

We had a fabulous January 'round here. And I had been meaning to put up a post bragging about all the wonderful progress that has happened.

And then February rolled around and we have hit a schlump. I feel like we've been stuck in the mud the past couple weeks and can't get any traction. It will feel like we're about to start cruisin' again, but then mud starts flying up and I realize we're still spinning our tires.

Last February was pretty awful. It's a month full of triggers: my birthday, Valentine's Day, and then a major traumaversarie. But January had me naively believing that we were just going to cruise right through February too. Wrong.

Granted, it's been nowhere near as severe as last February (knock on wood). It's just been unpleasant at times and frustrating. I see such potential in my daughter, and when she regresses (even a little) it disappoints me and makes me doubt all that potential. The potential I see can fool me into thinking that regressions aren't really regressions, that it is just all ornery pre-teen behaviors. And maybe some of it is. Sometimes though I worry that I just might be a bit too hard on her. I probably expect too much. She probably deserves more grace than what I give her on the bad days.

Praying for traction so I'll again feel like getting on here and gushing about the good stuff. Just not feeling it tonight.

Read this on the wonderful Dorothy's blog today and it made me smile (you might have to read the entire post for it to make sense). Hope it might you smile too:

"Today is Valentines Day. For all of you who are parenting struggling kiddos - some who may have a diagnosis and some who never will - know that you are precious. And that your kids are precious. That the same God who built your family knows far more than any doctor or psychiatrist and that on the hard days there are people out here on the blog-o-sphere who you can shoot off an email to and we promise....tongue in cheek...to ask if you have considered taking away their privileges. After which we will weep and pray for you - because regardless of the 'official' diagnosis this stuff is hard. Really blasted hard."

Purpose

God has given me a couple little tidbits of encouragement the past week that what I'm doing matters. And sometimes we moms really need that. Amen?

So I thought I would jot it down here in case it might encourage others too.

Last Wednesday I was hanging out at church (while my kids were in their Wednesday night classes) and was overhearing some of the James study by Beth Moore that was going on nearby (our church is a converted warehouse, so you hear everything, everywhere). Beth was saying that it's much easier to deal with pain in your life, than with purposelessness. This struck such a chord with me because I think as parents (especially parents of hurting children), the pain can be so overwhelming sometimes that we lose sight of our purpose. But Beth went on to say that pain always gives birth to new life. And we are finding that to be very true in this season of our parenting here in our family.

Strangely enough, whilst overhearing all these wonderful things from Beth Moore, I was reading Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell (a great read by the way), and the part I was at was talking about purpose as well. It talked about how purpose - or meanings, as he specifically refers to it - can bring joy to even the toughest of circumstances. Here's what he says:

"Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. Once it does, it becomes the kind of thing that makes you want to grab your wife around the waist and do a jig."

So that's it. I thought I had a little more to say on the matter, but that's all. Hope it encourages somebody today.

A Much Needed Vacation

So we're a year and three months into this adoptive-parenting/parenting-three-kids thing, and we were in desperate need of a breather. I know there are parents of larger families that go years and years without getting away together as a couple for a break, but my hubby and I are not ones that would survive that. What can I say; we're weaklings!

Everything in our life has taken a beating this past year it seems: our marriage, finances, mental health, physical health, relationships with some family and friends, our faith, even just having the time and energy for interests and hobbies. It's been hard.

The start of the new year has felt like the turning of a page, the beginning of a new chapter - agood chapter - in our family and our life. Things are beginning to feel, dare I say, kind of normal (more on that in a future post). There have already been some good changes (some of which I'm not even sure about how they came about) and I'm optimistic about implementing more, for the sake of my family, my marriage... myself!

So here's to a FABULOUS 2012 and beyond! This cruise was the perfect way to kick it off. So grateful for parents that were willing to take time off work and haul down to Nashville to watch our crazy kids for over a week. We are SO blessed!

Here's what we got to indulge in last week:

Fancy dinners, eaten at the appropriate temperature (not COLD), and with adult conversation to boot!




Being entertained, instead of entertaining (I wasn't the cruise director for a week!). Nightlife that didn't consist of folding laundry while watching stuff on Netflix. No putting kids to bed, and no worrying about having to get up early with them the next morning.


Fun in the tropics. Warm weather! Island time!

Doing nothing

Time to read! Uninterrupted!

Getting dressed up and having somewhere to go. Romance!

Having Silly Fun!










Fulfilling some dreams unexpectedly.


During a day at the beach David decided to seize the opportunity to go parasailing, which is something he has always wanted to do. AND I got to be in a flash mob on the cruise ship (Thriller-style)! I had no idea that opportunity would present itself, but it was so fun. I couldn't get the video on here, but it's on my Facebook timeline, which is linked on the sidebar, I believe.

Are We There Yet?

We had a miserable weekend. I had such high hopes for it to be a good one. My sister and her husband and daughter came to visit and what was supposed to be a fun outing on Saturday resulted in a major meltdown. One of the most major meltdowns we have had in MONTHS. It sucked. And it made me really mad.

Then Sunday morning rolled around and God spoke some encouragement to me through my pastor's sermon. I wish what He spoke to me was as easy to accept and believe as it was to hear. Because it's Monday evening and I'm not still not over what happened on Saturday, but perhaps sharing what was preached, and what was spoken to my heart in the margins, will help it actually penetrate my soul.

The message was titled "Expecting Salvation." My pastor started off by reminiscing about car trips at the holidays with him and his sister in the back seat fighting, and that immortal question of "are we there yet?" Funny because the height of the meltdown this weekend occurred in the backseat of our mini van. My pastor talked about Israel's, and our own, longing for deliverance. Oh, how I can sympathize with the longing for deliverance. A fellow adoptive mom and I recently talked about how we feel assured about our children's future, but she said it's the dash to that future that is SO hard. The now is tough, and I am often asking God, "Are we there yet?" ...Though I'm not sure what "there" is.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but You do not answer, by night, and am not silent. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy On; You are the praise of Israel. In You our fathers put their trust; they trusted and You delivered them. They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed. But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads; "He trusts in the LORD; let the Lord rescue him. Let Him deliver him, since He delights in him." - Psalm 22:1-8

I feel those words to my core. I am tired. I am weary. I am longing for deliverance.

This weekend (the day of the big meltdown) one of my kids, and my niece, were both upset that money wasn't being spent on them. They wanted to buy something, and they refused to have fun unless money was spent. My sister and I said later said to one another that if they could just get it in their head that they aren't having anything bought for them, if they could just accept that and eliminate the expectation, they could have been happy and had fun on this special outing that was planned for them. I don't understand the entitlement thing.

But what God reminded me of on Sunday was that I am much like my own child. I have major entitlement issues. I get bogged down in my current circumstances because I feel things should be different. Life should be easier. But God says, "If you would just get it in your head that you do have something special. I have ponied up and PAID the price for you. It's so much more than XYZ that you are longing for. It's eternal life!"

This is what Isaiah son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem: In the last days the mountain of the LORD's temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and all nations will stream to it. Many people will come and say, "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways, so that we may walk in His paths." The law will go out from Zion, the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore. Come, O house of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the LORD. - Isaiah 2:1-5

Simeon took Him in his arms and praised God saying: "sovereign Lord, as you have promised, You now dismiss Your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen Your salvation..." - Luke 2:28-30

There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem. - Luke 2:36-38

My pastor pointed out that the call to salvation is this: I am saved. I am being saved. I will be saved. Maybe life isn't going the way I had hoped or dreamed or planned. But there can be peace, hope, joy, and strength in the midst of the meltdowns in the backseat of the van. There can be peace, hope, joy, and strength in the journey, in the dash, in the "are we there yet?" Because God is using it all to refine. There is fulfillment. There is a purpose. There is a destination: Jesus.

Christ has come! Hallelujah!

Christmas Crafting

I have been pinning away on Pinterest all fall, with plans of doing all kind of crafting with the kids this month. We have managed to eek out a few crafts in the midst of the Christmas crazies going on 'round here.

Aluminum Foil Icicles. So easy. We all had fun with these, and the 3 year old only needed very minimum help.

Tissue paper Christmas Trees - We made these over Thanksgiving and they were very tedious. We all lost interest fast, and we ended up cutting off the bottoms of these two puffy ones here just so we could be DONE. Mel decided gluing his flat on the tree would be faster. And my sister's was looking really cool, but she didn't even get hers halfway done.

I had this nifty idea to put the boys' train tracks around the Christmas tree, and then use empty food boxes and some inside-out wrapping paper to make a little village surrounding the tracks. The kids did have fun with this, but it didn't quite turn out as cute I was hoping.

Bubble Magnets! These were easy and fun. It did take a long time to make just a few of them, but I really enjoyed it. My older kids bailed pretty quick on the project, but my youngest helped me with a ton of these. We didn't have very strong magnets to put on the backs of ours, so they ended up being more about form than function. My three year old likes to play with them on the fridge though.

Beaded Ornaments. The kids were able to make these while I prepared dinner one evening. A simple, classic craft. I think my youngest actually ended up making a "wand" instead of an ornament.

This was a craft I did on my own, but kids could definitely help with it. I never appreciated how long a strand of lights is till I did this project. Phew! I did find that once I got the hang of it, it did go a lot faster. I did two strands of lights and the second one probably took me only half the amount of time as the first. Tedious, but adorable.

I have made TONS of recipes from ideas pinned on Pinterest. And I have made numerous Christmas gifts from ideas on there, but I obviously can't spoil any Christmas surprises by posting photos of that stuff.

Update

We had a great Thanksgiving. Almost unbelievably good. We spent it in Chicago with my side of the family and many family members and friends commented on how great our daughter was doing. It was a really wonderful weekend that I am so thankful for.

Then we came home from Chicago and our little bubble was burst. I had been so jazzed about the Christmas season, but so far, it hasn't been very jolly in our house. There are some changes that have come to pass, and that have yet to come to pass that have a certain child on edge. Changes, plus the Christmas crazies, plus some school stress, plus knowing that mom and dad are going away for a week in January (thank God!), all make for a perfect storm. And when the storm is in your family, in your house, all the time... well, it rains and pours on us all and it often feels like there is no place you can go to get dry.

I am praying that we are on the brink of another turning point. Satan seems to have it in for us here lately; my hard drive on my computer died, and then just as my husband got it all restored and back in order, my iPhone dropped on the driveway and the display shattered. There must be something good about to come because the enemy is trying to keep us down in the dust with one headache after another.

Thanksgiving Re-Do

Last Thanksgiving we messed up. Like one of those, we-read-all-the-attachment-books-but -still-tried-to-parent-our-child-with-traditional-methods messed up. I shudder when I think back on it. And apparently so does my daughter. She has been having a rough go this past week, thinking about the up-coming holiday. It's like she's having a post-traumatic response. You know it's serious when it's disrupting her school work and she's crying about in class. (Heap on some more Mommy-guilt.) Bless their ESL teacher, she has been concerned enough about her to help me brainstorm things we could do to ease her anxiety on the trip, even offering to loan some things to Mary that might help entertain her.

For a few days Mary denied it had anything to do with last year's events. Even when I said, "I wonder if you're thinking about last year?" But she's had such a good time the last couple times we visited Chicago that I knew she couldn't simply be stressing about this trip itself.

She finally came home from school one day and sat down and just bawled. Then she started going through exactly what happened last year, and saying "_______ is going to happen, and _________ is going to happen..." It provided one of those wonderful opportunities for me to model remorse and seek forgiveness (I did my best to channel The Great Christine Moers). I told her that mommies and daddies sometimes make mistakes, and that last year we made a big mistake. I told her that I wished we could go back and un-do it, but we can't. But that this year, we can re-do it, and things will be much different. My son was sitting there too and we all talked about how last year Mommy and Daddy still had a lot to learn. "Why?" they asked. "Well, because we had never done this kind of parenting. And just like it's been hard for you, it's been hard for Mommy and Daddy too. We've all had to learn a lot and adjust to a lot."

It felt like a big healing moment. And I have only heard one worry over Thanksgiving since that talk (as opposed to literally the constant anxious chatter and whining that had been going on previous to it). I know she's still anxious. And it will probably become more and more apparent as we inch closer to our trip. But I think there is more trust there now, and that seems to be providing her with some comfort.

Would love your prayers for Mary as we go through Thanksgiving here.

Thanksgiving was merely one of the first of many parenting mistakes I have made over the past year. And I'm sure there are many more to come. And all the trauma moms said, "Amen!" But we're always learning, aren't we? Anybody wanna make me feel better by sharing one of your therapeutic parenting screw-up moments? :)